I feel lost

I'm so lost my head is spinning.  My life is out of control and I don't know how to get it together.  I don't even know what to say.  How do you keep a marriage together when you don't trust the person you are with?  How do you get your mind to quit reminding you of all the bad things you have done?  I lay here at night and just think about everything and never sleep.  How do you forget all the times family has betrayed you?  I really want to leave it all behind sometimes.  I think my life would be better if I did.  Why do people lie and hide things from you when you are suppose to be able to trust them completely?  Some times I think I dont know what I think anymore.  It seems like everyone I care about is doing or have done things to me behind my back.  Like writing my kids letter so that when they are older they know what happened when they were little talking bad about there dad, having them know that your husband has another kid and not telling us or having your husband take pictures of the house when its dirty so show if we ever split up.  I really trust no one.  I can't trust anyone or be myself around anyone.  Fuck he won't even have sex with me touching me is like hell to him and I just don't understand it. Right now I am so miserable and want out.  I have done many bad things maybe this is just Karma kicking in for me. Sometimes I wish I could just tell one person everything I have done and then I might feel better.  I don't believe in god but right now I wish I could go to a priest and confess all my sins just so that someone would know and not know who I was.